We all love our mum. How could you not? They deserve their own day, what with the never-ending work they do, the sacrifices they make, and the ever-present support they provide us. For some people its washing and ironing, for some cooking and cleaning, for others it’s the emotional sustenance that gets them through the tough times. And mum certainly deserves her Mother’s Day presents, small tokens of our appreciation that we use to attempt to convey just what she means to us.
But let’s face it; it’s not all maternal bliss. There are plenty of crap mums out there. Plenty that don’t deserve to be mums, plenty who’s mothering skills leave a lot to be desired and others who need to wake up to themselves that their little bundle of joy isn’t the only child ever born, and definitely isn’t the angel they think it is.
So for this Mother’s Day, please join me in going through Burgs’ Top 5 Most Annoying Mums:
- Princess Mary of Denmark
It was bad enough that a Tasmanian got to be a princess, worse that she happened to be a bloody real estate agent or school teacher or whatever, but what really irks me about Princess “Smirkin’” Mary is the way she parades that melon-headed son of hers. I hope she is forced to name her newly born daughter one of those horrible Danish royal family names like Henrietta or Ingrid.
- Liz Hurley
I used to like Liz. She let Hugh Grant off. She has a great rack. She did that memorable scene in the first Austin Powers movie where they strategically cover up all her naked bits with fruit and stuff. But then she started to get annoying. She did some diabolically bad movies, ditched Hugh for that smarmy bloke who is supposed to be Indian but really just looks like he’s spent too long in the solarium, and generally started thinking she was too cool for school. But the icing on the cake for me was that she called her son DAMIAN. How could you look at a child with that name and not think “The Omen”, more specifically, “DEVIL!”?
- Angelina Jolie
An obvious inclusion on the list, but a necessary one. Through her adoption of – what is it now, 3? – children from poor countries, Angelina has become the role model for celebrity couples wanting to “make a difference”. But it’s gotten to the stage now where one feels as if she’s just trying too bloody hard. “Angie”, you’ve made your point, but now it would make a lot more difference to us if you just shut up and went back to being slightly weird and Lara Croft.
- Jessica Rowe
There are two types of pregnant women: those who take everything in their stride, play down the obvious challenges and discomfort of being pregnant, and generally try not to make everything into a drama; and then there are those who let everyone hear about their pregnancy, are emotional beyond belief, and have an opinion on everything to do with pregnancy/babies. I’d be bloody confident Jessica fell fairly and squarely into the second group. Thank god for the boning from Eddie McGuire, as she may have turned into…
- Mel from Sunrise
Now besides being annoying, I don’t know that much about Mel. God, I can’t even remember her full name, but how about this for an educated guess. She has three kids, with pretentious surname first names like Hudson, Riley and Mackenzie, and she picks them up from their pretentious private school in a pretentious four-wheel drive. She likes to think of herself as a bit of a yummy mummy, but those legs which she seems to be quite proud of parading on the show also stay closed in the bedroom, much to the chagrin of her meagrely rationed husband.
Without quite cracking the top 5, or mentioning any names, I’d like to give a mention to my mate’s mum who not only enquired about all of our TEE scores after year 12, but kept a bloody list of them on the fridge. I’d also like to give a special mention to my mum – for not making it to the list. Happy Mother’s Day Mum.